hunterfest 2010. fin.

Two weeks have passed since our show. Turnout was a touch low but it was a huge success. It's an odd feeling putting on a benefit show, with the actual beneficiary is present, plus he's seven years old. But the spirit of our event's namesake was ever-present. It was a tremendous experience. I'm touched by the performers pretty much all thanking us for letting them play, saying they're honored to have been involved. These are special and generous and selfless people. I'm touched. My family is overwhelmed. We all miss him, but the spirit lives on.

More to come.

forgetting to remember

My little brother has been gone over five years now. He's a constant but it's just a very strange thing, remembering and not remembering. I had lived two hours away for five or six years and would often go weeks or months without seeing him, sometimes that long without talking. Life's funny that way. Time simply passes. I'm having a difficult time remembering "special" times with him, about him. I've just forgotten things. And there just was not enough. A close friend once wrote a song - he's long since forgotten but I could play the entire song with every word correct, he thinks that's strange, but it was a great, great song - "undertow" - with the line "I'd feel better if I just forgot". I could think that about a number of things perhaps, or rather, might consider thinking that. But I wish I held tighter to the memories. Once they're gone, we've lost something and are lesser because of the absence. Remembering is often strange and secluded and lonely but it's necessary. Memories are the silent things that shape us and grow us. Five years gone.

letter never sent...

I had a really good story to tell but as I sit to type, it's too personal, too something. And I am massively selfish with the details, even when typing to an unknown blogosphere. Some things are better left un...

facebook v. blogger

I put up a page on facebook, a fan page if you will. A couple dozen have "joined" or "liked" or whatever the hell facebook terminology is. But I can be a little more free and easy here, since this is more my space, something I do for me, and it's out there, but as of yet, no one has discovered it. And that's fine, either way. So I thought I'd begin, as regularly as I feel compelled, to write a bit about who my brother was, leaving out things I imagine he'd prefer left out.

page on facebook

New page on Facebook - "In Memory of Hunter Whitaker". Feel free to post stories, tales, reflections, photos, whatever.

Some wounds heal...

Some wounds heal. Others do not. Some blokes face reality however tragic. Others choose not to. It's been five years now. Five years is a long time. Five years ago my children were 2 1/2 years and 6 weeks old. Just babies who didn't get to know their daddy's brother. But they'll indirectly learn of him, more as they get older, albeit somewhat after the fact. And they get the fact that daddy's brother is also their cousin's daddy who is gone, they get that. There are photos and I do occasionally call one of my boys Hunter, not sure why. My oldest reminds me of him in several ways, my youngest reminds me of him in many ways. Healing and grieving and loss, it's just semantics. Try, don't try, whatever. Mourning is complete and necessary and uncompromising. It's the delicate balance of life and death. But what the hell would I know about it. Five years and my garage is still stacked with everything he owned. Some wounds heal, others won't. Not yet.

Planning for 2010 show

Things are beginning to take shape. Date - October 30. Place - EKU campus, homecoming. Performances by: TBA - likely several acts from last year - Scott Allen, the Yarbles, John McQueen, Marc Reyes, the fosters. Hope to post info in the near future.

August 5. Still.

This day comes mercifully but once each year. The anniversary of my brother’s passing. August 5. A day like any other. Only not at all. I might have spent this solemn day locked in thought, clutching remembrance, playing his guitar, listening to his absurdly massive collection of home recordings, watching his silly – and really, really hilarious – sketches and skits. I might have done that. I might have gotten a certain tattoo I’ve planned these five years, perhaps mirrored another of his vast and colorful collection of body art. I might have done all that. But I didn’t. I awoke, perceptive of the day it was and went to work. I worked all day and then spent a few moments – subtle, ordinary and because it’s so ordinary, quite divine – moments with my two perfect sons. The remainder of the evening may well bring somber grief, but so be it. Five years gone. Today is August 5. A day like most any other. Only not really at all. He was a son, a brother, a friend, a father. And a force. Carry on my brother.

August 5

The calendar shows today is August 5. Really just another day. Only it isn't. Five years is a long time. It's also a grain of sand. Grief is among the strangest of emotions. It doesn't so much fade or weaken with the passing of time; we simply grow accustomed to it. The loss is everpresent. August 5 was a Friday five years ago. A hot, unforgiving Friday. This time around the sun it's a Thursday, still hot, still muggy and predictably unforgiving. August 5 is just another day. Only it isn't.

HunterFest 2 - Saturday October 30

Possible venue change. We were offered the ravine on EKU campus. Still a possibility being discussed. Date of October 30, roughly noon til near dark seems set. Musical lineup still being worked out as well. Still have nearly three months to finalize and prepare but time's moving more quickly these days. I'm sure that's in a Dylan song. Gotta be.

HunterFest 2 Announced

HunterFest 2 will be Saturday October 30, again at the Indian Fort Theater in beautiful Berea KY. Time: roughly 11:00 a.m. until about dark. Details to follow in the coming weeks. Performances TBA. Most likely the Fosters will reprise their reunion and try again, this time we'll most likely do Pixies cover, like in the old days.
HunterFest is an annual event in honor of Hunter Whitaker. Just an autumn day to remember, reminisce and look forward. Be there.

how to grieve a loved one

A loved one. A brother. Whatever it is. Death is death, and grieving is grieving. Only when it isn't. I heard once there is no wrong way to mourn. Some talk and talk, telling old stories and remembering the good times, even the bad. Others choose silence. Me, I'm in between the extremes, or actually, one or the other. Keeping certain momentos close by, that's normal perhaps. Keeping a garage full of "stuff", maybe not so much. Writing and lamenting, forming fiction from fact or perceived memory, that's just what I do. Whatever, there are ways we deal and ways we do not deal. The difference between the two is easier imagined than parlayed.

25 January

January 25. Just another day on the calendar. But not really. You'd have been 30 today. Who knows what your day might have been. Playing with your son. Opening the gift of a six year old. Hanging out with your friends. Visiting your family. Playing some music. Making people laugh and making that look trying not to smile. You'd have been 30 today. A threshhold of sorts. But just another day. Carry on, my brother.

planning, remembering, wondering

It will be mid/late October again soon. But before that it will be August 5. But before that it will be January 25. And sometime we'll need to replace the name "HunterFest" - pitiful and plain as it sounds - to something that a google/youtube search will not show some type of gun-o-rama. Suggestions welcome on the name change. Not HunterPalooza, please. We'll have a much bigger, better and, well, better show next time around. Possibly the same venue, possibly the revene on EKU campus. About the same time. Hopefully with the same lineup, with possible additions. And most likely with considerably better weather, what with all the global warming and all. HRW. A force.